forgive yourself again and again and again and again and again

were we apple trees in another life, planted side-by-side in the orchard where we grew strong together, and where our roots dug deep to keep us both on the earth for as long as the other lived, and where they tangled themselves, binding one to the other, forever?

I don't like being like this...vulnerable. That's why I don't talk much. I'm afraid that if I say too much, you'll notice my weaknesses in the words, you'll see me for what I truly am, and then use that against me.

I want to shout "I love you" at the top of my lungs, but I know you don't like loud noises, so I'll whisper it to you instead

tenderness between men is holy. whether as strangers, friends, or partners. it's beautiful.

You’ll often feel like you’re a pendulum swinging from one extreme to another. You go hard, you’re reading Atomic Habits, you’re eating the organic veggies for lunch AND dinner, the apartment is immaculate, you look and feel great…until…until quite literally the opposite. Washing your hair becomes a chore, you’re in a mood with the dog and your organised healthy eating has now become something you have to do, and in turn tastes like crappy vegetables with no soul or life. Why has self love become such an uphill effort?

This is because you’ve focused on the doing. The joy of self love has been missing, yes you can meditate for 40 days. Yes, you can go for runs throughout the week, but where is your joy? When is your inner child getting play? As important as the reading, the pilates classes, the podcasts are. You need joy. And this is why you rebel. You want to scroll on your phone instead of reading that book, you want to make something quick because you’re not in the mood to cook the Ottelenghi recipe or make the seed cycling crackers. Because adulting 247 is not fun. You need variety, play, laughter. When did life become so serious? Understand that you need a break from cooking, a takeout once a week is a healthy balance. Watching a movie during the week is not a sin, and it doesn’t need to be on Gaia. The self development books are great, but so is fiction and a little fantasy. Disciplined mornings are life changing, but so is sleeping in on Sunday, and having no set regiment. Balance is key, and not having balance is the reason why self love is starting to feel like a chore. So take some time to reflect on your ‘level up regiment’ and throw some balance in to the mix, adding some play, and a sprinkle of laughter. What you’ll start to see is that the swinging pendulum finds some middle ground and self love is really in the sweet spot called balance.  

Your night time routine is all about dedicating time to yourself. Your routine should be tailored to what makes YOU feel relaxed, loved, and cared for. You can add or modify any of these steps to make it perfect for you.

Cleanse & skin care routine. This isn’t just about hygiene. Cleansing your skin can also cleanse the day's stresses away. Remove makeup (if you wear it). Use a gentle cleanser. Apply toner, serums, or treatments if you use them. Moisturize to keep your skin hydrated.

Spend a few minutes decluttering and organizing so you can go to sleep with a clear mind.

Prepare for tomorrow. Pick out your clothes, prepare your lunch and create your to do list so you wake up with a plan of action.

Set aside electronics, especially those that might interrupt your relaxation (phones, laptops). Put them on the other side of the room, or another room to avoid distractions. 

Spend a few minutes journaling or meditating on your day. Write down three things you're grateful for as well as your achievements or progress.

Make a herbal tea or warm milk. Stay away from caffeine, they will interfere with your sleep.

Stand in front of a mirror and speak kind words to yourself. Use positive affirmations that resonate with you, like “I am worthy of love and happiness” or “I did my best today, and that's enough.”

Dress in comfortable nightwear, ensuring your sleeping environment is cozy. This could be clean sheets and a comfortable pillow.